shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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