Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
