We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
