No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
