If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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