Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
