Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
