Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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