Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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