I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
