don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
