none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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