Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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