you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
