The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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