Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
