he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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