when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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