You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's like heaven, but drunker
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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