I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
