I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
