god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize