I look better un-naked...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
