That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
