I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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