just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
