A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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