New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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