I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
