What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
