Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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