hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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