It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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