We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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