i love accidental penises.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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