So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My liver just had a heart attack.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The power of my boobs compel you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
