dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I FOUND THE LEGS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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