is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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