omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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