also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
