i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
