When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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