Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
