8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
