i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said her name was "party"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How's work?
Spinning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
