Did I show you my penis last night?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
