things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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