just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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