Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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