i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
