Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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