I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
