i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
