The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
