Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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