Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
