cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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