I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
