i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
