The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
