Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
