Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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