Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
