And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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