he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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