you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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