ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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